Necessary and Sufficient
This essay has been modified from the version first published to the True Nature community on June 3, 2024
Earnestness: /ˈərnəs(t)nəs/ sincere and intense conviction
When my youngest went to Washington D.C. for his 8th grade class trip, my movie-buff 17 year old (at the time - now he’s 18) and I got to watch rated R films on his must-see list, including both Blade Runner movies (the 1982 original and the 2017 sequel).
There was a lot that went over my head thematically when I was a teen and young adult, including pointers to slavery, longing, hatred, love, and fear of death. I may have been not only too afraid of the visceral anti-hero android Roy (rabidly inhabited by Rutger Hauer) to be moved by his final scene when I was younger, but also too afraid to identify with the inescapable fact that death comes for us all - not only androids with a 4 year lifespan.
For those who haven’t seen or don’t remember the movie, Roy is lazer-focused on getting his creator to extend his lifespan, and will - uh - crush anyone who denies him. Just when the audience is certain that this is the homicidal, soulless psychopath to end all android psychopaths though, he reorients toward living fully instead of living longer.
As an angry and violent android, living fully for Roy did include a terrorizing game of cat-and-mouse with the protagonist. In the end, though, his focus was on being present for the last moments of his life, rather than on vengeance.
I was delighted and surprised to see how differently the movie landed for me now through the lens of a contemplative path. I didn’t see Roy as the enemy to be vanquished anymore; I saw him suffering, hurt, angry, sincere, authentic, dangerous for sure, but also earnest.
“Earnestness is both necessary and sufficient. Everything yields to earnestness." – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Roy was trustworthy in the sense that he knew himself, and one could trust how he would respond in any given situation to be consistent with his character. His character remained violent and unapologetic to the end, but also smart, efficient, and with sincere and intense conviction. Once he realized he had no hope of extending his life, he turned his full attention to the present, devoting his last few moments to living completely.
I would like to live completely. I would also prefer to not have to be within minutes of my own physical death to do so. When I say “live completely,” I don’t mean anything as limited as enjoying the outdoors or treasuring relationships. I mean having consistent, full presence, free from ideas that confuse and dilute, and free from distinctions between mundane and extraordinary.
The masters have an expression, “die before you die.” It means to face death, ending avoidance and denial of the inevitable. To the extent we are able to die before we die, it follows, we are able to live our True Nature fully - at home and awake to every moment because what subverted that ability has been removed.
Do you want to die before you die? You can begin by noticing what matters right now in your actual, real-time environment. Formal meditation is only one tool that facilitates this noticing, albeit one that can be shockingly effective once acquired. Meditator or not, this matter of what matters - what is most important - is crucial, simple, and often overlooked. Notice, then, to the best of your ability, moment by moment, what is the most important thing. What the most important thing is varies by individual and also over time. What is both aligned with your values and also currently relevant? Sometimes what’s most important will be meditating or singing or reaching out to a friend, but even more often what’s most important will be mundane on the surface level: replace the toilet paper, tell a stranger they left their gas cap unfastened, forgive yourself for having too many potato chips.
You don’t have to do life “right” or elegantly on this path; you have only to earnestly pay attention to what is important to you, and allow what is important to change as you continue to find your way.
As Shodo Harada Roshi said in his book Not One Single Thing,
We all have many things that we think we want; we desire to learn, we want to travel here and there, we want to own this and do that. Life is brief. We cannot live the same time twice. We can only decide what is most important and do that. Life has been in existence for billions of years, but the time we are given in human form is so very short. How will we make use of it? How will we give expression to it? What is its meaning? There must be something that we are certain we need to do, no matter what.
Meditation is a tool. It isn’t your true nature or your life’s purpose, but it can help you be more aligned with your true nature over time. Carry this in your heart and mind then, when you’re not sitting: what is your most important thing?
If you'd like more connection, join True Nature. Among other offerings, the once-monthly online sitting group led by Marcy provides the opportunity for meditation and practice-based discussion with the CCE community.
